Somehow last night I got some sleep and woke up far less nervous than I thought I would be. Perhaps the reality of the situation had not set in or maybe I was still half asleep. I packed the last of my belongings into my Wolf (from here on out I’ll be referring to my car, the Jetta Wolfsberg as “the wolf” and it’s a damn shame it took me this long to think of that) wow, that was a really long parenthetical statement. The Wolf (yea, thats fucking gold) was packed as my parents prepared me my favorite breakfast, Chip’s famous scrambled eggs. Chip is my father and his eggs are only famous in the hyperbolic sense. Once I was packed, showered, dressed, and fed it was time to hit the road. I did in fact use an oxford comma just back there (one sentence ago) for the ladies. Now what everyone should know is my parents (Chip and Val) had plans to attend a flower show in Philly this weekend and we made it a small family trip, Jamie (my big brother) in my car and Chip/Val in their own.
Jamie, myself and my childhood best friend ALF all prepared to hit the road (finally). Oh my! Who took this great/strange picture?! I did, with the aid of my newly purchased selfie stick. I wasn’t proud of this purchase but it has and will prove useful.
The trip through NYC and all the way into Philly (stop numero uno) was very smooth and the conversation was great. Wait, did I not address why I have an ALF doll in tow while being 32 years of age? Ok, I”ll give some back story. I was a painfully shy child and loved to watch TV. Subsequently I was a child of the 80’s and loved ALF (and Macgyver) so ALF became my best friend and I took him everywhere. I know what you’re thinking, that story is both incredibly sweet and painfully sad. But why bring ALF now Matty? I’ll tell you fucker, have some patience, let the story build. Through a series of enlightening therapy sessions I learned that like many people, we carry our childhood selves with us at all times. That child, with all your fears, I brought ALF to remind me of that child. That shy and terrified kid, who I can no longer be. And ALF is awesome so fuckkkkkk you.
Once in Philly Jamie and I made our way to the famous Rocky steps, posed with the statue. Someone offered to take my photo with it and I declined assuming that would result in a theft of my phone and me chasing them up the steps. Which would have been funny. Jamie and I conquered the stairs and big bro was a good sport to run up them with me considering he has the worst cold of all time. Good thing we shared a small car for 6 hours.
Chip and Val were supposed to meet us at the famous staircase but decided to use paper maps and somehow ended up in Delaware. “Hi, we’re in Delaware” so that gave me and Jamie some time to hit a museum.
As per a great suggestion from my wise friend Brendan, We decided to go to the Mutter Museum. The Mutter Museum is a museum of medical history and it is all flavors of fucked up. Which ruled, walls of skulls, fetuses, diseased organs, limbs, skeletons, and the crown Jewel, half of Einstein’s Brain. According to the informative gift shop worker the brain was hijacked by the medical examiner of Al’s deceased body. He kept the brain in a beer cooler for 20 years then both halves were donated to two museums, one in Germany and of course, to the Mutter.
After seeing all the creepy shit and basking in the abnormally strong elasticity of Einstein’s brain, Jamie and I headed to get cheesteaks (of course). We chose Geno’s and some people say I should have chose Pats. Alas I am a bit of neophyte when it comes to Philadelphia hot spots so to those who said I made the wrong Cheesesteak call, suck my dick. I mean sorry.
After we acquired the steaks we brought them to Mom and Dad’s hotel where we all enjoyed the cheese whiz covered slices of heaven. Once the meal was over came the hard part, finally saying good bye to my family. Just typing the words is making me tear up, I second-guessed this decision over and over because it was too hard. I’ve never been this far from my family and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and I’m only in Maryland so far. I hugged them, did a shitty job holding back the tears and made my way to my car.
The trip to Maryland took about 2 hours and a plowed through a couple podcasts while alone. This begins the real journey, the one alone. I safely made it to Maryland where I made a drink and plopped in front of the computer, now I’m off to the casino for a bit. Thanks for following along folks.
Keep Smiling folks (I will attempt to take that advice and not cry anymore)