Time Travel (good news everyone!)

Hey folks! I’m happy to report that I heard back from Emerson last week and I was accepted to their Masters program for Film and TV writing. I would like to thank all of you who used their birthday wishes and stray eyelashes to get me into school. I should take SOME credit because I did all the work but the positive energy you guys sent me was amazing. I start classes the 21st of August and I’m nervous as fuck. This means so much to me and I’m going to bust my balls to make sure I get the most out of it. The program is a low-residency one which means I can still work full time. Part of the program takes place in Los Angeles funny enough. The beginning of the second semester I’ll be doing a week of TV writing workshops at the LA campus of Emerson College, which is really cool. It’s also really fucking funny that I drove all the way to California, hated it (not 100%), came home and decided I needed more school and that school is sending me back. Life is funny that way I guess, keeping yourself open to any experience is the number one thing that keeps it interesting.  In addition to being accepted into college I received a small scholarship, which is pretty cool and I’m really proud of it. More and more and more more writing is in my immediate future and I couldn’t be more excited. I will continue the blog throughout college because it will be fun to report the journey and shit. Ok, enough about grad school and the impending student loan debt I’ll be in.



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This past week was a drastic pivot from the week before it when nothing seemed to go right. So many awesome things happened in the span of 7 days, I was on cloud nine most of the time. Once I got into school everything seemed perfect or at least covered in pink slime and charged with positive energy (Ghostbusters 2 reference, keep up).



Monday, Summer and I had tickets to see Pulp Fiction at the mighty Coolidge Theater. The 35mm print was great quality (minus the sound sync in the first few minutes) and that was the first time I had seen that movie on the big screen. It was so much fun having those laughs and gasps with a large group of people, especially people who are already big fans of the movie. After the movie I wanted to keep on theme and brought Summer to Tasty Burger, which was named after a scene in Pulp Fiction itself. It even has a mural of Uma Thurman eating a burger on the wall in the downstairs dining area. It sits to the left of the bathrooms with the codes on the door so junkies can’t shoot up in the bathroom. At least that’s what a waiter told me there once.


The food there is good but the dining experience is less than ideal. After the meal a severely unpleasant conversation transpired and it was very unfortunate but I don’t want to get into that. Pulp Fiction was still great and I received my Coolidge Corner Theater membership in the mail the same day! This month they are running a promotion if you sign up for a membership you also get 2 free movie passes. I go to the Coolidge roughly once a week so this was a no-brainer for me.



Oh! I should probably mention that I was NOT fired for the little accident I had at work. You remember, when I crashed into the ceiling like an idiot. I had my fork truck license (temporarily) revoked and I had to retake all my safety training. Today we actually had a meeting discussing the incident since my boss was out last week. Luckily the accident is slowly becoming old news and can be joked about. Thank god I didn’t get fired though! Well my job kind of sucks and I have zero room to grow and I’m underutilized and barely appreciated but hey, my boss is cool and it pays the bills so fuck it. Plus the point of higher education is to better yourself and move past jobs of this nature.

This past week I also returned to the felt and started playing poker again. It was a shaky start which resulted in me punching my steering wheel on a few rides home. I’ve since shook off some of the cobwebs and starting playing a bit better. I realized how much I missed the game itself and it was exiting to be back at the table stacking chips again. My little brother is actually returning to the game as well, which is exciting because he’s my poker mentor/hero. This is someone who turned 3k into over a quarter or a million in about a year and a half. He’s truly talented and I hope I can keep learning from his boundless poker mind. Also gambling is fun as fuck, firing money into pots and walking home with wads of money, or nothing (hopefully not).


Gambling and fancy drinks

The biggest highlight of the week, minus school news of course was my triumphant return to the Vans Warped Tour. I grew up a Ska/punk kid with a group of friends who all did the same thing. Ethan was the person who got me into that music and he never stopped going to the Warped Tour. I threw the towel in years ago because it was always too damn hot, the crowds were insane and the lineups got less and less appealing. But THIS year was different, my two favorite bands were playing! Less Than Jake AND New Found Glory were set to preform and I wasn’t about to miss that. I donned my famous Hawaiian shirt (the one I used to wear all the time in high school) and we headed to the Xfinity Center (formerly the Tweeter center and formally Great Woods).


This shirt

Wednesday was supposed to hit the 90’s so I brought a cooler of beer, whisky gingers, Gatorade and water. I also packed 3 outfit changes and a large bottle of sunblock. I don’t take too many days off so I really wanted to enjoy myself but didn’t want to get drunk enough to forget any performances or dehydrated in the oppressive heat, preparation was the name of the game. We sauntered over to the VIP tent to acquire our wristbands (after I drank a beer then poured a second into a water bottle). At the VIP ticket tent I ran into the girl I dated last summer and it was briefly awkward but recalled all the fun times we had and it quickly became a welcomed reconnection. We strolled into the venue and studied the bands and when they were set to play. All of the bands we wanted to see were all in a row so the stars seemed to be alined.


We had a couple hours to kill before our first desired band so we browsed the merch (this is slang for merchandise) area and got a little food. I bought some amazing shirts (luckily I won at poker the night before) and some other items. During the downtime before my bands were set to play we did some wandering and I ran into my friend Ester (this is a code name to protect my friend’s reputation) and Ester was high as fuck on acid and I wished her luck on her scary sounding journey. Ethan and Ray went to watch Mayday Parade (this is a band’s name for you folks who don’t know) and I went to see my friend Brian’s band Cruel Hand and I took a pile of pictures of him bringing the thunder. The first band on the list of acts I wanted to see was set to play, Reel Big Fish. This was the first ska band I ever liked and they have not changed much since I was 14 (I agree it’s a little weird). They kept it short and sweet so it was all the good shit.


After the sideburn-sporting time capsules of my youth were done playing a young lady walked passed me and grouped my manhood, looked me dead in the eye and kept walking. This was strange but being an egomaniac and slightly buzzed I took it as a compliment, albeit a fucked up one. After Reel Big Fish and the brief genital handshake New Found Glory was up and they did not disappoint.



The last time I saw these gents they didn’t bring the heat I was looking for and they more than made up for it today. I told myself that I wouldn’t go anywhere near the stage or the pit due to the heat and my advanced age. Alas they played one of my favorite songs and I made a B-line to the pit then the stage, leaving a wake of weaker concert goers. Oh well! After NFG was done the main event (for me) was about to be unleashed. After having a beer I heard the familiar horns and Less Than (fucking) Jake took the stage and I was on cloud 9. Again I rushed the pit then stage and screamed the words to my favorite songs (at age 32) while Chris and Roger commanded the stage as their adoring fans sang along with them.




I pushed to the front, some people got mad.

I would say the rest of the Warped Tour wasn’t worth reporting but I left out a large detail, we met one of the fucking founders of Vans shoes, Paul Van Doren! It just so happened I was wearing Van Doren shoes (a style of Vans). Ray and Ethan spotted him next to the Vans tent and we had to meet him. We talked to him for bit and he could not have been nicer. He signed me and Ethan’s shoes and we got a much needed picture with him. He went to shake my hand afterwards and I went straight in for a big hug and thanked him for inspiring my sense of style for the past 15 years. I’ve LOVED Vans ever since the first time I saw Ethan rocking a pair of checkerboard slip-ons (obligatory part of the ska kid uniform). You can’t top meeting a Van’s founder so we hit the road and once I was home I got a pizza and almost ate the whole thing, it was an incredible day.


The Van man himself!


I’ll never wash these again. ok, I might.


Also I bought this dope shirt.

After the warped tour and getting in to school (sorry for mentioning that so much but I’m excited) it’s hard to top things so I won’t. Friday night I watched Deadpool, ate pizza, drank a whole mess of whisky and some other lovely things transpired.


Saturday we had softball (I think we won?) then me and Shane watched movies, had pool time (which sucked due to children splashing us). Then we headed to Charile’s kitchen to celebrate and I played Queen’s “fat bottom girls” three times in a row on the jukebox (no regrets).


Then Shane talked me into breaking into a public pool. Disclaimer, Shane mentioned it and I jumped at the chance to commit a small crime. We put on all the black we could and scoped out the area. No cameras were spotted, exits were planned and fences were climbed. Shane and I hopped in the massive pool and started to swim to the opposite end but were stopped in our aquatic tracks when Shane spotted a bunch of cameras on the side of the building. Shane and I jumped out of the pool and Shane was over the fence before I knew it. I stayed in the pool area because I needed to cannonball the fuck out of this big ass fucking pool. I made Shane watch while I climbed to the top of the lifeguard chair and leaped into the pool as a celebration of my life’s impending new chapter and because cannonballs are bad as fuck. As soon as that splash sprayed over the furthest stretches of the pool, I was over the fence and along side Shane to head back into the woods and onto the creepy dark path back to his apartment. Saturday was fun but I was bummed more people didn’t want to hang to celebrate my good news. I also realized that over 100 people wished me well after I got into grad school so I wasn’t too upset. I was happy to have Shane to get weird and wild and to have a physical celebration of the news cemented in our memories.

That about does it for the past week’s shenanigans, good news, Less Than Jake,  crimes committed and uhhhh like other shit. Thanks for reading folks, luckily I kept this post under 4,00 words ( know you’re all relieved). See ya next time!

Keep smiling (even when strangers touch your penis and just walk away like a perverted ghost)



Wedding summer camp (and more!)

First things first allow me extend my sincerest of apologies for lack of communication. It feels like we haven’t spoken in ages but I’m here to rectify this unacceptable behavior. I am truly ashamed that I haven’t been here to share memories and provide some sunshine to boring days. Ok i’m fucking done with all that nonsense, sorry for the disingenuous apology. Here is a real one, sorry for the radio silence the past month. I have been applying to grad school and all my free writing time has been dedicated to my extensive writing samples and essays. I’m happy to report I’m done with my application and sent it off last night. I also applied to FASFA because college is expensive as fuckkkkkk. I’ll keep you guys updated with everything, fingers crossed that I get in. If I don’t i’ll probably imbibe an irresponsible amount of alcohol, vomit then after some time rebound and become a hobo drifter. I need to ask a favor of my readers, reserve birthday cake wishes, coins in wishing wells, wishbone victories, 4 leaf clovers, rabbits feet, shooting stars, magic lamps and stray eyelashes for me to get into grad school at Emerson, gracias.


The extensive application process.

Now that we have that taken care of we can recap my past month! Shit that seems like far too much to report. There have been multiple misadventures, trysts, tipsy nights, movies, sports, restless nights, parties, new shoes and cute outfits. I’ll post some pictures as a recap of those moments because writing about all of it might require a lot of pages and we all know how I love to rant. What I would like to recap is my friends Jason and Jacqui getting hitched a couple weeks ago. Most weddings are pretty standard; get dressed, ceremony, food, dancing and you go home at the end. This wedding was pretty unique and made for one of the best experiences of my life. Jason and Jacqui hosted a wedding weekend at a summer camp on an island up in New Hampshire. The island was on Mirror Lake which connects to Lake Winnipesaukee. The island in question is Sandy Island and the only thing on Sandy Island is a family summer camp. I need to clear something up before I recap this glorious weekend, I never went to traditional summer camp. Actually I need to clear that up even further, I never LIKED summer camp. I did day camp at the park near my house when I was a small awkward child with minimal friends. That camp was terrible and they almost “accidentally” left me at the Museum of Science on a field trip. I also attended day camp at St. John’s Prep in Danvers (Mass), this camp was called Camp Christopher. I loathed Camp Christopher, again with minimal friends it wasn’t ideal for shy miniature Matthew. One time I wanted to go home so I faked sick so my big brother would pick me up. The head of the camp proceeded to call me into his office and jokingly put a bag over my head. He claimed it was the penance for leaving early. I’m not sure if he was high on mushrooms or if he thought this was a funny but Val wasn’t stoked. Mama McAskill was very protective of her cubs and once hearing of this incident she got the head of the camp fired. Or he quit? I’m not sure but he was all done after that, fuck with me and my people will fuck you up. The third summer camp experience was actually a good one, hockey camp and UMaine. I went up with two of my buddies but didn’t get to bunk with them. This was my first sleepover type camp and it was a blast. Ice time 3 times a day, conditioning drills and fucking around with friends. I did get kicked out of that camp for knocking out another camper cold. It was an accident, I punched him while he had a helmet on and he smacked his head against the wall. In my defense that was the second to last day of camp! Anyway, camp shit doesn’t come second nature to me because I rejected it so much as a kid. The outdoors is even a project for ya boy but wedding summer camp changed me.

I took that Friday off from work and headed to Groveland to meet my homegirl BB (Brittany) and ride to the boat pick up in New Hampshire. After about an hour of choice music and movie trivia we made it to the pick up spot. We parked and unloaded all our luggage, including my prized custom tailored suit. We arrived the same exact time as one of the strongest party crews I’ve ever known. In this car was Jana, Allie, Jared and Kyle. They dragged out a cooler large enough to fit a dead body but instead of a corpse it was full of beer. They also made a pit stop to purchase matching tie dye shirts, was I jealous? Yes, but I had a great outfit on so it was cool. We all dove into the cooler and started drinking as we waited for the boat. The people started to arrive by the carload, including my little sister Taylor who I neglected to ask how she was getting to the wedding. She’s a damn adult, she can take care of herself. The weather was sunny but breezy, as we waited for the boats we did some prime photo shoots on the dock.

What’s that? a fresh haircut a cute outfit? Yes it is.


We came to fuck shit up (Kyle, BB and moi)

Finally two boats arrived, one for luggage and one for humans. I refused to leave my backpack of vodka and my thousand dollar suit with the dingy luggage boat so I carried that with me one the nice boat. We packed shoulder to shoulder and somehow managed to fit. After about a fifteen minute boat ride we were at the island, which was lucky because I had to pee so bad I almost jumped in the lake during the ride over. Waiting on Sandy Island was about 70-80% of my favorite people on earth and we headed to our cabins to drop off our shit.

Once we were in the cabins I decided to strategize because I assumed I’d be drinking most of this weekend so while sober I should make my smart moves. I made my bed, unpacked my important stuff and set up a little mini bar area. Once I was prepared we did some cabin mingling with drinks in hand.


Cousin Jana toasting to a great weekend.

All the cabins around ours were full of our friends so it was like living next door to all the most fun parties in the neighborhood. I was nervous about this trek once it got dark out but I figured I’d cross that bridge when I got there. There was a scheduled softball game at 4, bride side vs groom side. Now I’ve talked a big game about my idiotic softball skills for weeks leading up to this so I was ready for action. Alas I drank a decent amount before the game and didn’t play my A-game. I may have fouled out to catch at one at bat (I did haha). Both teams got their own custom shirts and the teams themselves were jam-packed with players. At one point in the 6th or 7th inning we were tied 14-14 and decided to call it a game. I love competing but I love sportsmanship and fun WAY more and this ending was perfect.


I’m not smiling because of my poor softball performance.

After the hard fought battle of a tie softball game it was dinner time. BBQ food stretched as far as the eye could see and I had my fair share. BB climbed a tree with Seth and the Groom to be Jason.


Be careful up there! Geez!

We attempted and failed some long pours of beer from said tree but at least we tried. After the delicious dinner we had some time to kill before our “dance lessons” so we did some cabin hopping making drinks and doing jello shots. After a new outfit change (I brought many) we all headed to the dance hall. The (overly) enthusiastic camp worker taught or attempted to teach us some fancy dance moves. I was partnered up with my cousin John and we were doing awful. I love to dance folks, LOVE it but not when there are rules and people saying “no! like this!” so I bailed with a couple other folks and did some cabin hanging. Night fell and I was now in the spooky woods slightly tipsy and without a crew to protect me from monsters and ghosts. I ran into my homegirl BB and we headed back to the dance hall but to our confused dismay, it was empty. Could this weekend be the slasher movie I thought it might end as?! We ran into a staffer and they said everyone was at the fire. They pointed us to a path in the distance that was barely lit by tiny battery operated tea lights. Deep in the woods (so it seemed) was a distant glow of flames, people dancing around it while chanting. At first we thought it could be some native ritual to ward off evil spirits or inclement weather. It could also be an effigy where one was sacrificed to a hungry god of some type. Once we got to the fire we realized everyone was just singing songs, doing keg stands and making s’mores.


What a relief! I did some singing, inhaled a couple (of s’mores) and decided I would do my first keg stand. The keg stand alluded me since I didn’t drink in college or attend parties while in college (art school, ya know). I fucked it up a few times then succeeded! Alas it was very foamy and I have a esophageal disorder called Gerd and it keeps me from being able to “chug” liquid, especially carbonated ones. After my keg stand I ridded myself of some minimal stomach contents and got back to sipping beer like a normal human. After the fire we did some more cabin hopping then retired to our respective bunks and went to dream land.

Saturday morning came quick since I suck at sleeping and most of my bunk-mates were up and ready to do some outdoor shit early. During the weekend we had all these scheduled meals which were signified by a bell that Jason (the groom) would ring as loud as he could. After breakfast I decided I needed to jump in the lake to not only conquer nature but to become one with it. I should mention the temperature was on the cool side and I was slightly hungover. Kyle and Eric had been in the water for a while and they talked me into jumping in. I dawned my bathing suit with Superman, Batman and the Flash on it and prepared to take a dip.Kyle informed me that I had to run of the end of the dock and jump right in. After he agreed to complete the task with me I was ready to take the literal plunge. We sprinted down the wooden dock, planks squeaking under our feet as we rushed to the edge and launched ourselves into the air. Before landing in the lake I got to have that brief moment where you hang between two worlds. While in the air you’re no longer bound by the earth, the extremely short time you float in the air, anything feels possible. There is a moment where you even get a glance of your reflection in the water, a mirror image of the person you are about to be and the one you are now. All of that shit is snatched away quickly when you land in the frigid fucking lake. To say the water was cold would be an understatement but it felt fantastic to jump in, then quickly get out. I dried off then hung out by the water while all my friends piled in kayaks and canoes. Derek and myself stayed on the shore and made jokes lampooning our more aquatic friends. After water time I needed to finally shower and clean out the large gash on my knee that I noticed after getting out of the water. Apparently I went to bed with a large scrape on my knee that was covered in dirt. I’m assuming I took a digger while stumbling back to my cabin Friday night. Me Nate and Danielle made our way to the shower cabin and I had a tricky time cleaning my leg and not falling down in the tiny shower area. I did manage to drop my soap and get some strangers hair all over it, bonus. After we cleaned up we did some more cabin hopping and hammock hang time. I had a new snappy wardrobe change and hung out with Derek and Karen on my porch while threatening to stay in my bed and watch Cool Runnings on my ipad then nap until lunch.


I never got to feel the rhythm or the rhyme but I did get on up to lunch time. After fueling up we had a little party at the ladies bunk. It was getting close to game time so we all separated and got fancy for the ceremony. I went semi-casual and looked like a damn dream. 


Still got it! Those are hula girls on my shoes.


Ironically (according to Alanis Morissette) it started to rain right before the wedding ceremony and we had to move from the outdoor location overlooking the lake to the indoor location which also sat near said lake. The ceremony was officiated by our homegirl Allie who was very nervous about doing a great job all day. She sat out of the cabin-hopping and drinking and just studied her binder with the vows and some notes. When game time rolled around the preparation served Allie well and she knocked it out of the park. It was a beautiful ceremony and Jason and Jacqui looked incredible/adorable up there. It was short and sweet (like the bride) and it was time to snap some pics then commence the partying. 


Stole this pic from the wedding photographer, I’m sure they won’t mind.


Too cute.

Before we let loose on the dance floor we had dinner and toasts were made of course. My meal was amazing and seemed to go by in a flash because before I knew it I had a beer in hand and was dancing in a circle with my friends. The sun went down and the darkness was illuminated by the sparks flying from everyone’s feet caressing the dance floor. partway through the dance party I noticed someone was missing. I hadn’t seen my buddy Koplove in a while and that had me worried. It was dark, we’ve all had some drinks and all the cabins we’re in the woods. I assembled a search and rescue team of the heroic Jared Mac and my eskimo brother Seth. We headed into the woods in our snappy suits and ran into a god damn deer! We clearly got sidetracked and tried to pet the majestic creature but I think I scared it off. We pressed on to the cabins and noticed one still had a light on. It was Koplove’s cabin of course and we found him fucking sleeping! Apparently he wasn’t feeling well and needed to lay down. We tossed a pep talk his way (after waking his ass up of course), he was hesitant at first then rallied. He tossed his jacket back on and we marched as a foursome through the woods to return our friend to the open arms of a room full of dancing people dripping with sweat (my kind of party).


Fucking MAGIC!

The night rolled on, songs played, conga lines were formed, dance-offs were executed (Chris won, sorry Allie), and drinks were had. I had a few choice dances with a beautiful redhead named Amanda but we were from far too different worlds and we never met again sadly. Life is fleeting but sometimes we can live in just a moment and ummm yea, I don’t know. After the music was done we all lined up on the dock (the very same dock I ran off of with Kyle and took my morning dip). They handed us huge sparklers and lit them. The happy couple then strutted down the dock, bathed in the magical flickering light of the tiny fireworks. It was like a fucking Disney movie! After that we all did some cabin partying of course. I threatened to skinny dip but didn’t do it because being drunk, naked and in the dark water seemed too dangerous. The majestic redhead actually came by and we had an in depth conversation about my road trip then she left again (this time for good, forgetting to get my number sadly). The night winded down and I did that thing I always do at weddings and that’s trying to stay up the latest. This time it bit me in the ass because that made finding my cabin alone next to impossible. Luckily I found it (not sure how) and snuggled into my freezing cold bed.

Morning came quick and breakfast was had by all. After we ate I found I needed a little hair of the dog and drank a beer with Nate while soaking in the lake’s impossibly beautiful views.


We were all hanging out outside of the dining hall and that deer came back, this time far more friendly. All the girls were taking turns feeding it out of their hands (like a I said, a fucking Disney movie), it was insane.


This is actually insane, how is this real?

After the meeting with the friendly wildlife we headed to the cabins to pack. A few of us agreed to take the noon (the last) boat so we could hang on the island longer. Brittany and I explored the island and realized getting lost could happen too easily so we turned back. As we got back to the cabins we noticed they were all empty. Apparently everyone took the 11am boat and left us to die in the damn woods. Brittany and I hung out on the dock listening to Paul Simon’s “you can call me Al” on repeat and reflected on the weekend. Finally the boat came and we headed home.


Bye Sandy Island.

The weekend was god damn incredible, wedding summer camp with your friends is pretty perfect. The outside world didn’t have to exist on that island and I kind of liked it better that way. Alas they had no movie theater and the booze would have run out at some point so we had to leave. Cheers to the newlyweds! By the time it took me to post this they would have married for about a month. I was recently criticized about my blog and it made me less excited to write it. Perhaps I misinterpreted the criticism but fuck it, can’t keep old Matty McFly down so I’m back to fill your boring days.

Quick photo sum up of the time we’ve been apart! Enjoy!


Drive in movie with E and Ray! also this movie sucked but we made S’mores and I drank many beers.


This was a really REALLY great night, mind ya business.


This book was fucking amazing.


Doug Loves Movies live podcast! Amazing time/weird night. Mind ya business!


Had to say good-bye to my best friend since 4th grade, this caramel prince (Sarad) moved to Denver. Miss you buddy!


Cancer Walk!!


First night of summer I jumped in the ocean and it was NOT warm.


Donated some blood but the Karma didn’t last. Mind ya business!


Baby Andrew turned 1 and he might have hated my gifts.


He isn’t impressed.


This feels too natural.



Ferris Buller’s day off at Fenway!


This is me. Don’t question it.


America had a birthday, I’m not patriotic but I do love BBQs and fireworks.



My people came out on this day of days! Scotland forever.


Chip loves to grill.


Me and Shane won at the America/drinking olympiad, Beer pong AND Kan Jam (I’m putting that on my resume now).


I made shane watch The Sandlot on the 4th because it’s so American.


and the best part of the holiday!


The Muppet Movie at the Rose Park Greenway in Boston!


I made this to make Gilbert (one of my bosses) laugh.


And today I had a massive fuck up and damaged company property. I thought the ceiling was higher than it was and this happened. I’m extremely embarrassed and it’s very possible I’ll get fired for this. This is my first large-scale fuck up since starting this job 6 years ago and I’m pretty bummed. Cross your fingers that I can keep my job folks.

Great to be back to bloggin’!

Keep smiling (even when you took 2 months off from writing and might get fired tomorrow).