I promise I won’t let fame go to my head, I will stay grounded and never forget all of you. What the piss am I talking about? I’ll tell you! But that will have to wait until later. We’re exactly 3 weeks from classes starting and I’m starting to freak out slightly (just kidding I’m freaking out a shit load, is shit load one word or two? shitload. Yea, that’s better). I received and email with my summer reading and I already feel like a teenager again. I live at home, I’ll be a college student ummm wow that was depressing. Fuck. Let’s move past the school stuff because if I talk about it too much I’ll freak out and move to California for 3 weeks again. Don’t make me do it! What’s the next order of business? Ah yes the comedic recapping of my life since we last spoke. Grab a seat…not that one…that one is better…a little closer please…look me in the eye…ok, now we can begin.
An event rolled into town last week, a unique one. This event is certainly outside of the box so when Shane saw it was coming to Boston he scooped tickets as fast as he could. That event was Point Break Live!
Now we all know the 90’s classic Point Break starring one Keanu Reeves and the unforgettable Patrick Swayze (rest in power Bodhi). Think of Point Break Live as a community theater production of the movie with more improvised comedy. The best part of the show is they use an audience member to play the mighty Johnny Utah. Before the movie Shane, Keegan and myself procured ourselves some meatball subs from Pinocchio Pizza. According to Shane this is Ben Affleck’s favorite pizza spot and if Batman is eating there then I need to as well. The acquisition of meatballs subs is a tradition that Ethan and myself started before watching Point Break due to the famous line delivered by the insane/charming Gary Busey “Utah! get me two!” referring to the amount of meatball subs he needs during a morning stake out. Sadly Ethan couldn’t make it to this performance so I ate my sandwich in his honor. After the delicious subs we walked to the theater and were met by a Good Humor truck giving away free ice cream! It was amazing and we clearly indulged. With that I must mention I’m slightly lactose intolerant. After waiting in line to get in and grabbing a beer the culmination of the cheese-covered meatball sub and brick of ice cream I ate, my bowels wanted to have a word with me. So while casting the lucky crowd member as Johnny Utah I made my way to the bathroom and proceeded to spill half my drink while cleaning the toilet seat, but I saved the other half.
(I saved this half, yes I’m on the toilet)
The Show was hilarious and a fun time, they shot the crowd with water guns and had me doubled over in laughter the whole time.
(This dude playing Gary Busy’s charter Pappas was a madman)
When Point Break Live was done I decided to head to a poker game and try to make a little money. This turned out to be a good decision, half the players in the game were either high or drunk. I took full advantage of the situation and went home with a few hundred extra dollars. Oh and I didn’t go to bed until 4am, which isn’t ideal for real humans but alas I am not one of those. I played a few more poker sessions with mixed results but ultimately I’m up some money this week. I played at my favorite home game in Boston, up in New Hampshire with the dumpster people and Foxwoods (my old office). The trip to Foxwoods was a rough one, winning seemed impossible until 2am when I won a big pot and won back all the money I was down (roughly $300).
(dumpster people stack)
After that hand at Foxwoods I was up a few bucks and decided to make a break for it. All in all my game is solid but could use a a lot of work. Most of my poker winnings are going to the laptop fund and frivolous spending fund (but not by choice).
(exhibit B: Sandlot shirt)
(exhibit C: Kill Bill shirt, there are more but we’ll stop here)
Last summer I made it a point to make many beach trips (my goal was 20 but I came up short with 13) and this summer I’m blowing it big time. Here are the issues with that, I have softball in Boston on Saturdays and that dicks up my day pretty hard. Saturdays are the ideal beach day of course but driving from Beverly to Boston then back to the north shore leaves me at the beach around 4, which blows. That all changes this Saturday, I made a tacit agreement with myself and I’m fucking sipping cocktails while the waves crash in the distance. I have made some late day beach trips though. Me and my homegirl BB packed a cooler and hit the sand in lieu of deck drinks at a local watering hole. I also decided that jumping in the water was necessary, mostly because I needed to pee and it seemed like the best option. Sorry fish.
(BB was just hanging out in the hole for some reason, weird)
(BB took this, that’s the ocean I peed in)
Summer and I also made a beach day attempt one faithful Saturday but after about 2 hours were met by rolling thunder storms and a rather comical torrential down-pouring of rain. It was like a scene out of a shitty romantic comedy except it was just annoying and ruined my relaxing day of ogling Summer in a tiny bikini. The rain attempted to ruin our day but we decided to have adult beverages and I had a few too many on an empty tummy and have dialed back my alcohol consumption (*sips glass of whisky*) since that day. I like to enjoy a cocktail or 4 but it doesn’t need to be a regular thing so partying will be cut down a bit for old Matty McFly. Don’t fret folks, I’m fun sober and tipsy (I think).
(hahaha ok maybe that’s a little much)
(stock photo of me drinking…and looking like James fucking Bond)
Since we last sat down and had a heart to heart chat about my life and you listened intently, I have done some serious movie watching. One night I caught a midnight viewing of Drunken Master (1978) this is one of those old Jackie Chan movies that was remade after he became popular in America.
(I feel that Jackie)
We watched the original and it was pretty great, I was coincidentally drunk during the viewing. Shane is a big kung fu fan so I met him and Keegan at the Brattle Theater for the flick. It was a fun kung fu festival of kicking and whatnot but it was WAY too long. Another faithful night Shane and myself kept with the theme of fighting and caught a midnight screening of Fight Club.
The mighty Coolidge Corner theater (my favorite place on earth) was showing a 35mm print. The print was pretty banged up at points but it fit the theme of the movie and drew a really good crowd. I haven’t seen that movie on the big screen since its original theatrical release in 1999.
Myself and pile of kids I played hockey with saw the movie back then and foolishly decided to start our own fight club. Just a bunch of kids beating the piss out of each-other in my friend Luke’s basement. Very dumb. Next movie! While attempting to see Batman: The Killing Joke, Keegan and myself found ourselves on the wrong side of a sold out theater. We didn’t want to call it a wash so we went and saw Star Trek Beyond instead. It was no classic Batman comic realized on the big screen but it sure was a dope movie. I was never a Star Trek fan but these new movies are a fucking blast to watch. I highly recommend this third installment which was directed by Fast and the Furious’s Justin Lin. Last Monday I decided to finally go see the new Ghostbusters movie with my big bro Jamie. Jamie and I LOVED Ghostbusters growing up so I was nervous but he had high hopes. This movie is fucking awesome, I was dead wrong (pun) to doubt it.
(Me and big bro)
(get em girrrrlllsssss)
The cast was fantastic, the special effects were captivating and it was god damn hysterical. If you’re on the fence about this movie you should hop over and stop being a pansy. Sure it has some goofy parts but it’s a movie about catching ghosts, of course it has goofy parts. Well done ladies! I’m even going to see it AGAIN! This time in 3D and possibly while high on wacky tobacky. Also Kate McKinnon is the funniest person on Earth, hands down. While we’re on the topic of movies (I’m on this topic a lot) let’s discuss the trailers that were released at San Diego Comic Con.
They released a pile of trailers this year at comic con but I really only give a shit about two. First; Wonder Woman, this movie looks insane! Think Captain American: The First Avenger but make it a woman who is basically a god. The trailer had amazing action and Gal Gagot is nothing short of radiant and an utter bad ass. Another point for the ladies, I love it.
(queen bad ass)
The second trailer that I clearly freaked out over was for Justice League and I’ve watched it over 20 times. First thoughts, it looks incredible but I felt the same way about the Batman V. Superman Dawn of Justice trailer and was slightly disappointed by the movie itself. Justice League appears to have adjusted and added a slight sense of humor, which the DC movies need. This trailer highlights Arthur Curry (Aquaman) played by the ultra hunk Jason Momoa having exchange with Bruce Wayne which leads to a great line of dialogue.
I was bummed I couldn’t be at comic con, I’ll try again next year to get tickets. I went once a few years back and I had a fucking blast. Lucky for me had a couple friends there who I asked to send me pics of the more choice highlights of the Con. Actually I just wanted pics of them with this Batman statue and they delivered.
(statue of Batman from Frank Miller’s epic Dark Knight Returns comic book)
(My homegirl Alex tracked him down VERY quickly while on break from her many many duties with Blizzard)
(look who my lovely friend Reena found!)
Speaking of Batman (I speak of that a lot) while in the process of writing this blog post I watched Batman: The Killing Joke and I wasn’t impressed. It was disjointed, the female lead wasn’t represented well and the ending was a letdown. Oh well! Bring on Suicide Squad!
(I touched her boob, Joker was PISSED)
(OK OK I’M SORRY)
Oh! You’re probably curious why I said all that jive about being famous when we started off today. Well, my episode of Wahlburgers aired last week! It’s called five card studs or something moronic like that. You can see the side of my face while Donnie is presenting a trophy to his uglier brother.
Soooooo me and Donnie are basically best friends now and we’re launching our own spin-off called Donnie love’s Matt where we plan celebrity vacations then join them and hilarity ensues. Kiddinggggggggggggggggg of course, but it was funny seeing my handsome mug on TV. Well, that should do it for this week, I’m finishing this post on my iPad while at a poker game. I need to focus on making some tuition money! Until next time folks, thanks for reading.
Keep smiling (even when you have to wait more than a year to see Justice League)
(we had slush day at work, I shamefully had 2 and my nails looks gross. sorry)
(Narragansett throwback cans, like from Jaws!)
Here comes from more pics from Justice League because fuck it.
(Bruce Wayne sitting)
(Bruce Wayne in action!)